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I wonder if it gets easier....

I wonder if it ever gets easier
knowing the person you loved
never loved you, never liked you,
never cared for you,
never respected you....
and who treated you
as something to be used
then tossed away
like so much trash
untreasured, unadored

Do I want them back,
No, I do not, not ever
I long since disabused myself
of the notion that they cared
for you can not care less
than not caring at all
and for the world I would not
want someone with me
Who did not love me complete
heart, mind, and soul
without reservation,
without hesitation

But I wonder to myself
why he could not even try
to be my friend
Though I guess that is
a silly question
which I have already answered
You have to like someone
to be there friend
You have to care about them
about their lives
at least a little bit
so I understand the painful truth
but not the reason
why it is so

Truth is you never even cared
to  truly know me at all
I don't think you could ever
understand me, or even that
you ever wanted to
the funny thing is
I am not an insecure person
I am self sufficient
confident, and love the person
that  through the years
I have become
I know I do not need you,
but oh how I wanted you
to at least be my friend
I wonder why that is?

Ah well, some things
no matter how much we want them
simply are not meant to be....
I move on, reminding myself
every single day
that it was you who chose
not to be my friend.....
I can not, nor would I ever
try to change your mind
or change your heart
I will never beg anyone
for affection, I will never
accept love
that is cajoled

Be free, be well,  be happy
but please leave my heart
this time in peace
and with common decency
allow me my sweet release
so, do not come to me again
with false apologies
nor come to me
in times of need
ever so callously
with your ever tempting
easily spoken, pretty lies
when in truth it's really me
that I do believe
you may well despise

I want no more
to harken
to those alluring lies
or to the false hopes
to which they do give rise
for I have finally had my fill
I seek  now only blessed  truth 

though truth is such  a bitter pillI
Now I wish only the harmony
of a tenuously mended heart
no more to be broken
by your cruel uses
nor continuosly crushed
by your casual disregard
for all that is precious in me....
So fare the well  good sir
I am  at last well shot of thee

By Janice Kimball



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June 2019


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