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Another year gone by, and I find I have changed, not for the better I think.  I used to laugh readily and find joy in so many little things...but lately I feel empty, hollow as though something had sucked every last bit of sunshine and hope out of my soul.  I am neither hopeful, or hopeless  it is as though there is simply nothing left.  I am a blank slate seeing neither darkness, nor light wondering what comes next...how long does this go on?  Where is my next journey, what is the next turn of my path?  Will I ever feel joy again, will I sink into cynisism, bitterness, and encroaching sorrow, or is this it....  emptiness?  I want to believe that the magical being filled with wonderment and gratitude for everything in life even during the worst of times, who could see rainbows where others saw only rain, and who believed in a deeper goodness, in the ultimate power of love  ...I want to be who I once was and I wonder if she will be alive within me again....If this is it I wonder what the point is...and if there is indeed any point at all...I want to see the woman I once was revive within me, but right now I do not know how to bring her back, or even if I can. For now I breathe, I do what I must, and what I can to make the world a better place if even a little...I exist in a void of emotions.  I hope happiness finds you and holds you my friends, I wish you joy, I wish you love, I wish you all good things.  Pax and may love and wonderment ever fill your lives.. these are ever my wishes for each and every one of you.



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January 2019


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