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Life is always something interesting....and I tell you it is full of the unexpected.  Working through the grieving process is slow...I wish it would go faster.  I know all the realities, but still it is hard.  I find myself wondering what it is about this person's rejection that I am having a hard time with.  I do not lack for self confidence, or self love, and I know if this persom were to come back and try to make ammends tommorow it would take a lot to get me to even allow him back into my life as a friend.  Yet still the sorrow haunts my soul, like a ghost that won't cross over to the other side still having unfinished business here.  I would love closure I guess, but sometimes we just do not get the closure we want (especially if the other person lacks courage)...As I always say, it is what it is.

 I am working on publishing my book, and on getting my life to where I want it to be physically, financially, spiritually, and emotionally.  I have always felt the hand of destiny upon me...and right now I want to get my life together, and hurry up and fulfill it so I can move on.  Life is an adventure, some parts of it are tons of fun, and other parts not so much....this last adventure has been a painful one, but I press on through it....looking for what good I can find in it.  There is always good in it somewhere....I wish I could rest my soul in some safe harbor until this storm passes, but that is not what I am here for....not this time anyway.  I still find myself hitting the anger part of grief occasionally, and I have to remind myself to just forgive and move on....I am certain this matters to no one other than myself, but I am only answerable to the woman who looks back at me from the mirror of my soul, and it is she that I must please and appease (and she has always been a very tough customer).

The physical pain and symptoms of the Fibromyalgia, and the Sjoggren's syndrome only seem to get worse, and the paresthesia is maddening every day it becomes more persistent and profound (I tell you when you can not feel things you are holding in your hands I think it totally unfair that I have searing pain in them at the same damn time. lol)The increasing of symptoms does nothing to make my emotional state better that is for certain.  But even in this I am trying to find the unicorn and the rainbow.....I am just built that way...I am grateful even for these things that I am going through now, they make me more compassionate, and understanding...No poems written today, and now I am off to bed, and hopefully sleep will not evade me tonight as it so often does...Pax my friends, love and light to you all, and comfort to those who are struggling...may you find resolution and peace 

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ailindria
ailindria

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