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Apr. 3rd, 2016

Every day I ponder what lessons I was supposed to learn from all this.  I try to wrap my mind around what growth in particular was supposed to occur from all this.....maybe it was just a final burn off of all karmic debt to this individual from a previous life...I don't know, and I do not understand why it is so hard getting past this one, and why logic and reason have  not prevailed, and my heart is not yet made whole given all the facts of the situation...Why I am not well and truly over this friend, and this friendship?....I realize all that I should to have closed the door on this chapter of my life by now and I know that, to quote a meme I read recently "We are not friends, we are not enemies, we are simply strangers that share memories.". I will not try to change their minds about me, because I believe in free will,  and I release them in light and love, wish them happiness and move on..... ..Yet still I ache to the core of my very soul, and I know if I saw this person again I would be broken hearted anew...Why I am I so vulnerable when I face them?....I stand upon the precipice of time wondering when, if ever, all this shall wash away.... and the rain on my face will no longer have moments when it hides the tears I shed .....or if I will ever understand in full why all this has happened... but I strand tall and face the woman in the mirror of my soul knowing I have done the best I could, and have been the best I can be...Strangely, this does give me comfort, though many will not understand why, and I find it too difficult to explain.  Pax to any who find this, who may need these words, my love and heart to you, may comfort wash your soul until it is free of pain.



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