Some people may wonder, if they happen upon this blog why I seem currently fixated with a singular topic. I will tell you that right now this blog is about healing, and the journey to healing from the point of heartbreak...I think it is important for people to see, and understand that there are ups and downs, but there is progress, even if there are days when I backslide, and it is important to understand there are those too. I don't care if you are a male, or a female, gay, straight, or bisexual, the grieving process is one hell of a ride for anyone. We cry, we barter, we beg the Universe, or God/Goddess to make things better between us and the other person, to make them realize how much they love us and come running back to us....(this is why I recommend the whole funeral ritual as an important first step in any breakup....because I truly hate begging the powers that be to bring someone back to me),, as hard as it is to remember this when your heart is breaking keep in mind that you really do not want someone who does not love you, and treat the way you deserve..... Then there are the moments of anger....how dare they treat us like garbage after all we have done for them. (if you really love someone anything you do for them should be without expectation of return, or reward. Love is a gift given freely no one is obligated to accept our gifts, remember this).....but in the end it all changes nothing, they are gone, and you are left to try to glue the pieces of your heart back together when you can't even find all the damn pieces it seems.
Then there are the moments where you simply accept that it is done, when you realize that no matter how much you love someone it does not mean they will love, or even like you in return, and you know it is not their fault for what they do, or do not feel....You allow a gracious, gently aching peace to settle over you, and you know that you can not allow others to abuse your heart, or disrespect you even if you do love them, you know you can not make them love, or like you, and you just need to let them go and walk away. Over time these moments will become more prevelent, and slowly your pain will subside into the dull ache which only rears it's ugly head occasionally. You will learn to live without them in your life, you will learn to forgive them, because they can only hurt you truthfully if you allowed them to. You will hold your head a little higher, and realize you were far stronger than you ever imagined. You will bless the day you finally realize they have no power over you, and you can move on....
Even if by some miracle they were to come back, you realize you can never return to the old relationship. You know that relationship is long dead and gone, and truthfully you would not want it back because the old relationship is the one that ended in you being devastated...and you do not want that again, no, you definitely do not. If someone devastates me to the point that this particular friend did I find I must be honest and say, that they would have to show me a whole new behavior to be allowed back into my life (not that I do not care for them, I do, and always will, but because I can not allow myself to be mistreated),,,the key here that you must not forget is YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, and if you let someone into your life knowingly who mistreats you, well then guess who's fault your misery becomes....YOURS, that's right, not their's, but yours.
Think of friendships like a bank account, someone makes deposits, and withdrawals (give and take) when someone overdraws their account, and keeps it overdrawn for a long period of time, never bothering to make deposits that account is closed by the bank....and for good reason, because they are irresespnsible with their account. Some may think this a mercenary approachbut it really is not, a bank account kept in a positive balance consistantly recieves perks, benefits and interest, and a account kept in a negative balance recieves penalties, restrictions, and if it is consistantly left in a negative balance it is closed (all good, productive, positive relationships involve the flow of give, and take, if one person consistantly gives, and the other consistantly takes you are not in a good relationshipwith that person),,, Now sometimes that person may ask the branch manager to give them a second chance, and the branch manager may give them one, but if they continue with the same old behaviors, never bothering to change their ways then the bank manager is forced to close the account for good....I am not saying don't give people second chances, but do not put yourself in the same old use, and abuse loop...and if you find that is where the relationship is yet again headed, leave...close the account, the book, turn the page, walk away....Wish the person light and love, and take your leave....you deserve love, kindness, respect, compassion, honesty, and love, if this person does not give you those things, then they are the ones who need to go my friends.
This is another bit of advice which may prove invaluable if you are inclined to try it. Indulge in roleplaying every once in a while. I recommend doing this when you are at a peacefu,l and stable period of your life, so that the negative things you may find do not throw you into an emotional tailspin (it is imperative that you remain calm, and unemotional during this process). Imagine yourself a bank manager and you are reviewing accounts (friends/lovers, etc.) looking over their balance sheets you will see who has beenactively building their accounts, who keeps their accounts at a reasonable balance, and is a steady reliable customer...who keeps the bare minimum in their account, and has the occasional bounced check....and the ones who drain their account and simply do not make deposits but become further and further overdrawn with penalties stacked upon penalties. As the bank manager you have to make some decisions, you should reward those who are building their balances, and maintaining their balances. For those who are struggling check in with them to see if you can offer any help to get them on the right path,,,,and for those who are consistantly overdrawn, show no interest in maintaining a positive balance, give them warning, that if they do not clean up their act you are going to close their account...by way of be3ing fair you may offer them help to understand their account with you, but if they refuse hel, and their is no improvement in their accounnt activity...well, you know what you must do...you must close that account. Looking at it this way helps to remove some of the emotional haze from the situation, and it gives you an opportunity to see the relationship clearly without being muddled. I am very sentimental myself , and as such I am guilty of letting my emotions get in the way of my thinking, doing this exercise is very helpful in order to see situations more accurately. This is about being responsible for ones own happiness, part of that is forgiving the person whose "account you closed", it isn't personal, it is simply unacceptable behavior in regards to their account. Also you need to not hold it against yourself (forgive yourself) for closing the account, your the branch manager after all....you are responsible for the well being of the entire bank, and all your other customers...You take away from your time with your good customers if you are spending all your time dealing with ones who can not be bothered to pay proper attention to their account. I hope this helps some people. Pax to any who find these words, who are struggling in their own lives with such pain....my love to you, my heart to you, and may healing energies envelope you and give you the strength, and peace to know what to do, and to ultimately do what must be done. Be your own hero always my beloved friends, never wait to be rescued.
Then there are the moments where you simply accept that it is done, when you realize that no matter how much you love someone it does not mean they will love, or even like you in return, and you know it is not their fault for what they do, or do not feel....You allow a gracious, gently aching peace to settle over you, and you know that you can not allow others to abuse your heart, or disrespect you even if you do love them, you know you can not make them love, or like you, and you just need to let them go and walk away. Over time these moments will become more prevelent, and slowly your pain will subside into the dull ache which only rears it's ugly head occasionally. You will learn to live without them in your life, you will learn to forgive them, because they can only hurt you truthfully if you allowed them to. You will hold your head a little higher, and realize you were far stronger than you ever imagined. You will bless the day you finally realize they have no power over you, and you can move on....
Even if by some miracle they were to come back, you realize you can never return to the old relationship. You know that relationship is long dead and gone, and truthfully you would not want it back because the old relationship is the one that ended in you being devastated...and you do not want that again, no, you definitely do not. If someone devastates me to the point that this particular friend did I find I must be honest and say, that they would have to show me a whole new behavior to be allowed back into my life (not that I do not care for them, I do, and always will, but because I can not allow myself to be mistreated),,,the key here that you must not forget is YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, and if you let someone into your life knowingly who mistreats you, well then guess who's fault your misery becomes....YOURS, that's right, not their's, but yours.
Think of friendships like a bank account, someone makes deposits, and withdrawals (give and take) when someone overdraws their account, and keeps it overdrawn for a long period of time, never bothering to make deposits that account is closed by the bank....and for good reason, because they are irresespnsible with their account. Some may think this a mercenary approachbut it really is not, a bank account kept in a positive balance consistantly recieves perks, benefits and interest, and a account kept in a negative balance recieves penalties, restrictions, and if it is consistantly left in a negative balance it is closed (all good, productive, positive relationships involve the flow of give, and take, if one person consistantly gives, and the other consistantly takes you are not in a good relationshipwith that person),,, Now sometimes that person may ask the branch manager to give them a second chance, and the branch manager may give them one, but if they continue with the same old behaviors, never bothering to change their ways then the bank manager is forced to close the account for good....I am not saying don't give people second chances, but do not put yourself in the same old use, and abuse loop...and if you find that is where the relationship is yet again headed, leave...close the account, the book, turn the page, walk away....Wish the person light and love, and take your leave....you deserve love, kindness, respect, compassion, honesty, and love, if this person does not give you those things, then they are the ones who need to go my friends.
This is another bit of advice which may prove invaluable if you are inclined to try it. Indulge in roleplaying every once in a while. I recommend doing this when you are at a peacefu,l and stable period of your life, so that the negative things you may find do not throw you into an emotional tailspin (it is imperative that you remain calm, and unemotional during this process). Imagine yourself a bank manager and you are reviewing accounts (friends/lovers, etc.) looking over their balance sheets you will see who has beenactively building their accounts, who keeps their accounts at a reasonable balance, and is a steady reliable customer...who keeps the bare minimum in their account, and has the occasional bounced check....and the ones who drain their account and simply do not make deposits but become further and further overdrawn with penalties stacked upon penalties. As the bank manager you have to make some decisions, you should reward those who are building their balances, and maintaining their balances. For those who are struggling check in with them to see if you can offer any help to get them on the right path,,,,and for those who are consistantly overdrawn, show no interest in maintaining a positive balance, give them warning, that if they do not clean up their act you are going to close their account...by way of be3ing fair you may offer them help to understand their account with you, but if they refuse hel, and their is no improvement in their accounnt activity...well, you know what you must do...you must close that account. Looking at it this way helps to remove some of the emotional haze from the situation, and it gives you an opportunity to see the relationship clearly without being muddled. I am very sentimental myself , and as such I am guilty of letting my emotions get in the way of my thinking, doing this exercise is very helpful in order to see situations more accurately. This is about being responsible for ones own happiness, part of that is forgiving the person whose "account you closed", it isn't personal, it is simply unacceptable behavior in regards to their account. Also you need to not hold it against yourself (forgive yourself) for closing the account, your the branch manager after all....you are responsible for the well being of the entire bank, and all your other customers...You take away from your time with your good customers if you are spending all your time dealing with ones who can not be bothered to pay proper attention to their account. I hope this helps some people. Pax to any who find these words, who are struggling in their own lives with such pain....my love to you, my heart to you, and may healing energies envelope you and give you the strength, and peace to know what to do, and to ultimately do what must be done. Be your own hero always my beloved friends, never wait to be rescued.
