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The last few days have been what I like to call good days.  The healing process is never fast, as I said from the start, and we do not heal in a set, and steady way.....Our emotions jump all over the place from day to day, and sometimes from hour to hour, and worst case scenario from minute to minute.  You should never feel guilty about this, or like you are somehow abnormal.....it is a part of the human condition that can not be avoided in such circumstances.  Love, and it's loss can be one of the wildest rollercoaster rides in this life.  It is unpredictable, and uncontrollable I don't care what the experts say...all you can do is hang on for dear life, and let yourself scream when you have to until the ride is over.  I have wandered off topic yet again, lol, blessed good days, the days when acceptance although it is a bitter pill, is easier to swallow, and you busy yourself with work, projects, people, ideas, and dreams of a better future without the individual who caused so much pain.  I smile, I laugh, and it is once again sincere, not the forced "fake it till you make it" joviality, but the real deal.  I will press on doing what I need to do to fulfill my own destiny, grateful for the lessons I learned, and the strength I have gained.....that which does not destroy me, teaches me wisdom, and gives me strength....and makes me fear the world less, because there is nothing that can cause me more pain than what this one false friend has caused in my heart.  I do not fear hell, or death, or even physical pain, a phoenix has risen from the ashes, a dragon has been born, a warrior ready for battle now stands boldly to do what must be done, to defend those things which I hold dear....yes....it has been a good few days.  Pax my friends, love yourselves, forgive yourselves, be good to yourselves, forgive others, and make ammends as best you can for any wrongs you yourself do..., and know tha you are worthy of love, kindness, respect,  and loyalty....Never sell yourself short, or settle for anyone using, or abusing your heart even if you do love them....You deserve better my darlings....You deserve true, and lasting love.



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June 2019


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