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Today was not one of the better days in my healing process, a lot of tears, but honestly no anger at all....No bargaining, only acceptance.  So I did what any self respecting tough girl would do...I watched sad movies, let the tears flow like a river, and felt some better after my catharsis.  Sometimes you have to take yourself all the way down into the deepest pits in your own soul, and clean out the refuse that has built up there, otherwise you break down at a time you don't want to  It is not only OK to do this, I know for at least me it is essential at times, not just about one issue, but many I am dealing with....Tough girls never cry when others can see them....but we still cry.  Through the years I have become an expert at hiding my pain, emotional and physical, from others.  I do it through humor and jokes so no one can see the pain at all.  I have never liked burdening others with my emotions, or these days my physical limitations.  I present a happy face to the world even when I am shattered inside, because, how can I be there for others if I myself do not have control of my pain...and so I may not be able to erradicate it, but I can still keep it from defeating me.  Secretly I wish for the person who will come into my life and see beyond the joking, and the witty comments and see my pain, and say to me "I am here for you, don't worry, I will stay by you as long as is needed."  but realistically I am too proud to ask someone to do that...and so I have learned to be tough, to survive the lonely times, the difficult times, the hard times, and the interesting times.  I have always been my own hero, I don't wait for anyone to rescue me....I am very capable of rescuing myself, but still there are those moments.....It is time for me to say pax and goodnight my friends (I keep falling asleep as I am typing, lol)...may you find all manner of blessings every day,,,,,,,,,,,,



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June 2019


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