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Feb. 7th, 2016

Right now I am writing this to help heal my heart and soul, and I leave it open to the public not because what I say is profound, life changing , or that I have a huge following, or I am in some way important  but because perhaps the fates will have someone stumble across it who is going through something similar and it may help them to know that they are not alone.  They will know that something of what they feel has been felt by others, and those others have found a path through the pain, the grieving to find some semblance of healing.  It might help to allow yourself to hold a funeral within your own mind for the person you are grieving for, the person who has left your life.  I have done this, and in this way I do not expect this person to return to my life, they are gone, and if ever they do return it will be as a "ghost" not really a part of my life because the old relationship no longer exists (and at least in my case it never truly existed but was only imagined by myself).  Some people think this is about not forgiving the other person, I have in truth forgiven this person for all they have done, but I have come to realize that the circle of trust needed in any relationship simply is not there anymore.  Without trust there can be no relationship.  If this person were in trouble I would help them as best I could as I would do for any being,  If they needed someone to talk to I would listen, and if asked, offer advice, but I would do this for anyone who asked, I simply will not turn my back on another who needs to talk, a shoulder, or someone to care.  The reason I choose to seperate myself is because I realize  it does not matter how much I love someone, if I can not trust them, if they have by their actions, and certain words made it abundantly clear that they do not care for me, that I must respect myself enough not to allow myself to be used in a single sided "relationship" of trust where I in any way feel that they do not have the capacity to reciprocate caring for me, or holding me in any esteem at all.  I have to let go of that relationship knowing they do not, nor do I expect them to care for, and respect me and my feelings.  Can they prove to me that they do care, or that things are somehow different than I percieve them?  Anything is possible, but I think it would take a level of effort they are not capable of when it comes to me at least, and I do not believe they are willing to put forth the effort, and there is the truth of it.

I know that some may think I am wishing for revenge when I talk about Karma, I don't.   I do believe though that when someone does wrong they are answerable to Karma.  We all hurt people from time to time, we fail to do the very best we can (we are all simply human at the end of the day after all), but it it is not an action planned to hurt them, it is done in innocence, ignorance and often when we know we have done this we try to make the situation better and are truly sorry we hurt another, but in contrast someone who deliberately using , or manipulating people to one's own advantage ,or suit or merely fill  one's own needs knowing full well you will cause hurt, or harm to another  is  indeed incredibly wrong.  I can not, (nor can any other person other than themselves) save them from their Karma even if I wanted to.  It is the difference not unlike that between the distinction twixt manslaughter, or murder.  For example the driver who accidently hits and kills another did so in innocence with no malice of fortehought, no planning, or action on their part to take the life,  and they are full of remorse, and contrition, trying to in some way make right what has happened, whereas the murderer who takes a life  does so with knowing willfullness, contemplation, consideration, and action to end the life of another there is no sense of remorse or contrition the act is deliberate, calculated and carried out without any desire to make right the wrong they have commited.  I am sorry for people who face Karma for those kind of actions, because it will not be any easy one I feel certain.  Of course I could be wrong, the world could be simply unfair and unjust with no balance, or justice whatsoever.  I never assume I am correct but I can only follow what my heart and soul tell me is true, and as for me I still believe Karma is real, and far reaching...you may not pay today, or tomorow, or for years, but ultimately you will pay.  So I do the best I can, work on who I am, and try to do the best I can to do right, and realize that I can not help, nor save those who choose a path of hurting others.    Pax ...if you have stumbled here may your life be filled with love, may your hearts ever find healing, and your souls find peace, contentment, and a sense of belonging always.



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