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Jan. 23rd, 2016

I wrote a new poem, I feel pretty secure at this point in the knowledge that no one is reading this blog, and that is OK because it makes it rather more like a diary of thoughts and feelings I can revisit, and review. I started it wanting to change the world, to make a difference in the way we treated each other, and to offer hope to those who felt hopeless and lost, I realize at this point in my life that perhaps it is only my own vanity which made me think that I could affect a difference in the lives of many others, I can be so foolishly Pollyanna-ish at times. I have came to realize some time ago that I am probably not of terrible great interest to the world at large, and that is OK too.  These days I focus more on spiritual growth, on becoming the person I need to be so that I may do what I need to do in this life, and to help the few folk who have stumbled into my sphere of influence whenever I can while on this plane of existance, and then without ceremony, and without much fuss at all I shall pass from it to be forgotten, fading into the mists of time and memory... insignificant, and uncelebrated.  I hope that while I am still here I may yet do some good, to make the world a better place, not because I will be remembered for it, but simply because it is the right thing to do, it is what I was meant to do.  So here is the poem I wrote myself to the world, and all who are in it,  every human, every creature, every rock, stone, lake, river, and ocean....everything that shares the magical stardust we are all made of....
daughter of destiny
by Janice Kimball
I love
and have not been loved
and have not been cared for
yet never found
I have felt
my heart shatter
into a million pieces
my soul
shredded within me
mangled, bleeding
I have crawled
legs and hands bleeding
at moments when I could
no longer stand
let alone walk
I have ever
looked for light
staring into the abyss
feeling it's empty eyes
upon my soul
yet I have not let it
devour me
instead I have
Believed in magic
in joy
in love
in things
which eluded me
I am
the daughter of destiny
I would die for any one of you
for all of you
fight for your happiness
for this world
which never loved me
and yet
I would see you all loved
I will shine, and be the light
even as I force down the tears
which seek to drown me
I give myself to you
an imperfect offering
in a world
that does not understand
because I know my destiny
I love you
even when you do not love
when reality crushes down
upon your world
to real
too cruel
to unkind
I will be there to hold you
in your darkest hour
see the light which still shines
deep within your soul
and show it to you
so you will know
that hope is not dead
that all is not lost
I will be your mirror
showing you what you can not see
and what you fear to know
about yourself
so that you may grow
in spite of those fears
and in the end
I shall release
all I am
all that I ever have been
to the earth herself
to the all mother
feeling myself flow into her
and her into me
know that
I shall be safe once again
in her loving embrace
having done all I could
while I was here
I shall rest easy
returning to the stones
to the earth
from which I came



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