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Catharsis

We all need it, a good catharsis, a cleansing of our souls, a washing away of the sorrows that weigh us down and helping us to move past them.  I am not sure how other people handle their's, but for me it is watching a sad movie, one that makes me cry, one that makes me feel deeply opening the wells of pain I have burried as I try to maintain my equilibrium.  The strong face I show other's melts away in those moments and I allow myself to be vulnerable, to show my sorrow, my wounds openly that I normally hide and shield from others. I do this when I am alone because the solitude is my friend, and my ally.

There is a price to choosing to be the strong one that people turn to...that price is not having other's there for you because they are certain you are so completely together that you don't need them....and knowing that you choose to let them believe that, even though it is not true.  There are moments I would love it if someone could see through the barrier, and know that I am not the invincible, amazingly strong person so many think I am....moments I would love someone to say "It's OK, I've got your back"  so I could bring down those walls and be open about my vulnerability.  Then I realize that what I do is expected of me, not only by other's, but it is my expectation on myself....and this is why catharsis for me is so important...because for a little while I can drop my sheilds and let go of all I hold inside that I can not bring myself to show to others....

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ailindria
ailindria

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