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Another year gone by, and I find I have changed, not for the better I think.  I used to laugh readily and find joy in so many little things...but lately I feel empty, hollow as though something had sucked every last bit of sunshine and hope out of my soul.  I am neither hopeful, or hopeless  it is as though there is simply nothing left.  I am a blank slate seeing neither darkness, nor light wondering what comes next...how long does this go on?  Where is my next journey, what is the next turn of my path?  Will I ever feel joy again, will I sink into cynisism, bitterness, and encroaching sorrow, or is this it....  emptiness?  I want to believe that the magical being filled with wonderment and gratitude for everything in life even during the worst of times, who could see rainbows where others saw only rain, and who believed in a deeper goodness, in the ultimate power of love  ...I want to be who I once was and I wonder if she will be alive within me again....If this is it I wonder what the point is...and if there is indeed any point at all...I want to see the woman I once was revive within me, but right now I do not know how to bring her back, or even if I can. For now I breathe, I do what I must, and what I can to make the world a better place if even a little...I exist in a void of emotions.  I hope happiness finds you and holds you my friends, I wish you joy, I wish you love, I wish you all good things.  Pax and may love and wonderment ever fill your lives.. these are ever my wishes for each and every one of you.

The last dance

Oh happy day, oh joy, oh bliss
when I am done with all of this
when tears my cheeks no longer stain
when I am done with mortal pain
my shackles thus broken I'll be free
then shall I dance once more with thee
from highest mountain down to the sea
then o'er the moon in sweetest reverie
we'll dance along the stars lightly
then turn right, giddy with great glee
into our sweetly earned eternity
oh such a blessed serendipity
shall then await both you and me
when that last dance finally sets me free....

Janice Kimball

A WomanWarrior's Prayer (my prayer)

Do not let die old and abed
filled with fear, quaking in dread
but rather let me stand instead
keeping to the fire in my head

and do one last final great deed
before I mount Death's noble steed
let my final canon truly read
"to serve ths world she chose to bleed"

Let me heroic, rise one last time
to die a glorious death sublime
then in Valhalla's halls I'll shine
and take the place that e're was mine!

Not the weapon, but the wielder.

By Janice Kimball

' not the weapon but wielder,
who uses it for good, or ill intent,
that makes a weapon deadly
and thus from bodies souls are rent
if wielder's soul is darkened
and on destruction bent
this makes the weapon deadly
then comes our discontent
as wielder without mercy
will upon society vent
his fury, and his hatred
from which he'll not relent
blame not the sword, or gun
for they're irrelevant
look unto the wielder
and to their dark descent
I am truly astounded at some people's ignorance let me share a Facebook conversation with you....In response to a hate-filled meme directed at all members of the Muslim faith I wrote the following: Untrue, I know many Muslims who are shocked, sickened and appalled by the actions of terrorist factions in their own religion. That is like saying all Christians are defined by the actions of those who commit terrorist acts in the name of their religion. Blind hatred is a terrible thing, to define a whole people by the acts of a few shows profound ignorance , and it is the very fuel of   terrorist thinking.

tHe could not argue what I wrote so he attempted to attack my views on banning assault, and semi-automatic rifles here is his attempt to shoot down my credibility.

James Robison do you even know that an "assault" rifle is 100% the same as any other rifle except for the way it looks
James Robison
James Robison semi automatic means it shoots 1 bullet 1 at a time
Janice Kimball
Janice Kimball James Robison It defined the rifle type of assault weapon as a semiautomatic firearm with the ability to accept a detachable magazine and two or more of the following: a folding or telescoping stock. a pistol grip that protrudes conspicuously beneath the action of the weapon. a bayonet mount.
Assault rifle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault_rifleWikipedia Semi-automatic weapons use gas, blowforward, blowback, or recoil energy to eject the spent cartridge after the round has traveled down the barrel, chambers a new cartridge from its magazine, and resets the action; enabling another round to be fired once the trigger is depressed again.

The self-loading design was a successor to earlier rifles that required manual-cycling of the weapon after each shot, such as the bolt-action rifle or repeating rifles, which required the operator to manual cycle the action before each shot. The ability to automatically load the next round allowed for an increase in the rounds per minute the operator could fire.

These rifles are also known as self-loading rifles ('SLR') or auto-loading rifles and are often mistaken for automatic rifles or machine guns. Self-loading rifles were one of the most revolutionary designs in the history of warfare. To name one example, semi-automatic weapons gave the United States an important edge in World War II, as the M1 Garand was a semi-automatic rifle issued to most soldiers, whereas the Axis powers had only bolt action weapons and limited quantities of semi-automatic rifles. Semi-automatic rifles are versatile designs. They can be efficiently fed by en-bloc clip and internal magazine, detachable magazine or a combination of stripper clip and internal magazine.

Janice Kimball James Robison They use a clip which means that one round is fired per trigger pull you have multiple rounds available. Not sure how long it takes you to pull a trigger, but I can do so fairly quickly. It is not !00% the same as any other rifle just to clarify this misconception you seem to have I will include a legitimate definition of a rifle...Traditional hunting rifles fire one round, and then must be manually reloaded.Terminology[edit]
Formerly, rifles only fired a single projectile with each squeeze of the trigger. Modern rifles are capable of firing more than one round per trigger squeeze; some fire in a fully automatic mode and others are limited to fixed bursts of two, three, or more rounds per squeeze. Thus, modern automatic rifles overlap to some extent in design and function with machine guns. In fact, many light machine guns (such as the Russian RPK) are adaptations of existing automatic rifle designs. A military's light machine guns are typically chambered for the same caliber ammunition as its service rifles. Generally, the difference between an automatic rifle and a machine gun comes down to weight, cooling system, and ammunition feed system. Rifles, with their relatively lighter components (which overheat quickly) and smaller capacity magazines, are incapable of sustained automatic fire in the way that machine guns are; they trade this capability in favor of increased mobility. Modern military rifles are fed by magazines, while machine guns are generally belt-fed. Many machine guns allow the operator to quickly exchange barrels in order to prevent overheating, whereas rifles generally do not. Most machine guns fire from an open bolt in order to reduce the danger of "cook-off", while almost all rifles fire from a closed bolt for superior accuracy. Machine guns are often crewed by more than one soldier; the rifle is an individual weapon.

The term "rifle" is sometimes used to describe larger crew-served rifled weapons firing explosive shells, for example, recoilless rifles.
Janice Kimball
Janice Kimball James Robison so if you think the only difference between a traditional hunting rifle, and a semi- automatic, or a fully automatic assault rifle is their appearance then you have perhaps never had the opportunity to see, handle, and fire one, because having done so I can assure you that they are quite different indeed.
All I can say to his poorly planned attempt to make me look ignorant is this paraphrased quote from military special forces....."Mess with the best, die like the rest." , lol.  I may not have been in the military, but I do know my guns.  To ensure that he understood that I got it too, I drew my definitions from Wiki, lol....he has not responded to my responses to his attack on my credibility....and you know, I will bet he doesn't, lol/

I ask your patience as I write this from my somewhat fever addled brain, lol.  Summer colds are not a fun business but I shall be through it soon I hope.  I felt compelled to repost something I wrote a while back in light of the tragedy which occurred in Orlando.  I send my deepest sympathies to friends and loved ones of those that died, and love, healing energies, and prayers to those who were injured in this attack.  This kind of act should never have happened, we as humans should have evolved past this kind of blind, and ugly hatred.  Sadly, we have not, and so, I am reposting something I wrote several years ago which seems yet again, unfortunately, to be pertinent to what is going on in our world.  The article is called 'Getting Past Prejudice, and Getting On With Your Life' .  Here it is my feelings about what needs to be worked on, these are only my opinions, but I do feel strongly about them.

'Getting Past Prejudice, and Getting On With Your Life'

From:  Dictionary.com
[prej-uh-dis] Show IPA
noun, verb, -diced, -dic·ing.
an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge thought, or reason.
any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.

From: Miriam Webster Online:
1prej·u·dice noun \ˈpre-jə-dəs\
Definition of PREJUDICE

: injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one's rights; especially : detriment to one's legal rights or claims
a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge
b : an instance of such judgment or opinion
c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics

From: the Urban Dictionary Online:
prejudice 270 up, 19 down

The quality or condition of judging someone or a group of people before you meet them, usually using stereotypes.
"The secret is to say that you're prejudiced against all racists"

- Homer Simpson

Some of you might think it strange that I pulled reference from three different sources to define the word 'prejudice'.  There is a reason for that, it is because some groups feel they can not be prejudiced because of their ethnic background.  Here is the truth of the matter, anyone can be prejudiced, black , white, brown, red, yellow, purple with pink polka dots, it does not matter.  If you walk around thinking that any one group of people is bad, keeping you from succeeding,  or has certain traits that you find unappealing, then you too, my friend,
nomatteryour racial, or religious background is, are prejudiced.

Now that we have defined what prejudice is, the next issue is how did you become prejudiced.  Most prejudice starts when we are very young, and comes from parents, family, and friends.  Ideas that certain people are bad because of  (insert irrational reasoning here), whether it is induced by fear, a few bad personal experiences due to the prejudice of another group (this is the hardest one to overcome because it feeds itself), a "religious" background which dictates a mandate of hatred rather than tolerance to others (religion itself is not the culprit, rather the interpretation of said religions by of some people within it are the issue), or whatever.  Then the whole group is clumped together in an ugly little package, with a not so pretty bow on the top, and you do not want to open the package, because it is easier to let it sit on the shelves of your mind, accepting it as truth rather than taking it out opening it up, and having a good, long look at it.

Here is the challenge I put forth if you are brave enough (and though it may not seem so this takes a lot of courage).  Take that box off the shelves in your mind (yes, I know some of us have a lot of dust and cobwebs up there, but sweep them out of the way, lol).......bring that box out into the sunlight, and open it.   Look at it through new eyes and exam the contents honestly, and ask you is are these ideas REALLY true?  Does it even make any sense?  If you are really honest with yourself you will find the answer is a resounding 'NO'.

Barring hive mind syndrome (which does not exist in the human species) it is impossible for one group of people, regardless of their ethnicity, religion, sexual preference, or whatever, to all think, or even behave the same way.  So there it is, the truth is that we are each of us, individuals.  Like snowflakes in winter no two are the same.  There are people in each group who choose good behavior over bad, and sadly, those that choose bad over good.  Really in truth it all boils down to us' choosing'  or 'challenging' our behaviors or ideas, and unless you have some deep-seated psychological issues that govern your thinking, and behaviors, it really is ultimately our own choices that guide us through life.

The Question now is this:  Do you intend to carry on with the same prejudices, perpetuating them creating more negativity, and hardship for our children, and our children's children, or, are you going to have the courage to let go of those preconceived notions and step into the light?  Can you learn to follow the instructions God/Goddess left for you to love others as yourself?  Are you up to the challenge of making this a better world, or are you another albatross hanging around the neck of mankind bringing us all down?   These are questions only you can answer for yourself, I can not tell you right from wrong, you must choose to see, or remain blind.  The time of choosing is now, which path will you take?

I bid you all to be well, to love each other, to let go of past wrongs so that we may all move forward in the light.  Pax, my friends, may the truth shine like a beacon in your hearts, and may your days be filled with love and joy.

PS  You can honestly enjoy your own cultural background, and still appreciate, and respect the cultural backgrounds of others!  Diversity is the spice of life!

Ah, the joys of autoimmune disease!  I, of course, say this sarcastically.  A couple of the newest symptoms include a) severe laryngospasms (I do not recommend them at the movie theater), and b) bruises on top of my bruises, lol. (I like to say the faeries are pinching me while I sleep, lol!)  When life hands you lemons, just do your best to make a damn lemon meringue pie, lol.  I currently sound like our dear Greta Garbo thanks to having laryngospasms for an entire evening. Actually, I now feel like I am coming down with a pesky bug which I shall need to chase away post haste, lol.  Pax to all you who read this.  May you ever be healthy, and prosperous, and may you be blessed with love in abundance in your life.
The sum of what we are may be found  not in what we say, but in what we do.

the terrible man vs. the good man

the terrible man

will shred your soul

cut out your heart

and devour it whole

he'll serve it forth

in a silver bowl

he'll abandon you

on a barren shoal

he's hard as diamond

but made of coal

your life in ruins

his one true goal

he'll never give you

love's sweet dole

but make you bow

under his control


the good man

will give you wings

he'll lift you up

make your heart sing

to you he shall

in earnest bring

joy, mirth, and love

peace unending

ne'er underfoot

your heart he'd fling

nor with cruelty

your spirit sting

but heal your wounds

like kindly king

offer to you, his only queen

his truest love

for the taking
eternal, deep
and unending

The Zen of Patience

Sometimes the best, and hardest thing to do is wait....and allow things to flow through you, past you....to let things to occur as they must without trying to influence, or change the outcome.....Trust the Universe, and your soul.....Let go of desire, and expectations.  Close your eyes, breathe, and trust that all will be as it should be.



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